If you are wincing at the truth of these words, take heart, you can stop the foolishness.
First of all... are you about resolving your conflict in a way that maintains both yours and your partners high self esteem, or do you just need to be right? Time to put on your big girl attitude and make some rules for yourself.
Here are 5 Things Your Mama Didn't Tell You About Fighting Fair.
1. Take the words "Never and Always" out of your vocabulary Talk about a hot potato to bring into a conflict. You always .... You never.... As they used to say in old western movies... "them's fightin' words". Decide to stop saying them. No one likes to be told they always do something or they never do something.
2. Stop Name Calling Insulting the person you love, or being insulted by the person you love is bad news. Who can feel good about themselves when they are put down as a person? Be mad, sure... that 's fair, but you can't take back derogatory names. Once they are out there, they are out there.
3. Quit threatening to leave or tell the one you love to leave This is one of the least helpful conflict resolution tools ever invented. Yet, it is hauled out again and again when lovers quarrel. Chances are, neither one of you intends or wants to leave, so quit saying it. It's childish.
4. Talk about your problems when you are in a good mood Don't forget to talk about the issues behind your quarrels when you are both feeling connected. It is important to understand and be understood. That's what you really want, right?
5. Keep it private, especially when children are involved This is THE MOST IMPORTANT rule of all. Children should NEVER have to be burdened with adult troubles. Fighting in front of them is unacceptable.
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